Transcription

Bibles, turn to Matthew 18. Thank you, buddy. And hit the record button, too, if you can. Um, Matthew 18. We got some good ground to cover together. We are in a section of Matthew where we're talking about um themes that relate um to offenses. Uh the Bible uses the word sin. Sin is kind of kind of a um a King James word that we don't usually use, but we we often talk about, hey, um I got beef with this person. This person wronged me. Um there's conflict. So, the Bible talks about a a sense of morality and that the standard of morality comes from God. So, as Christians, we believe in a an in an objective moral standard and that God is the one that sets that standard. So I don't decide what's sin. You don't get to decide what's sin. We know that God is holy and the things that he says are sin are the things that are wrong. He is the moral lawgiver. That's how we would say it in theological terms. Now there may be things that I don't like preferences that I have. But really the when we're talking about um moral guilt and what is wrong, God is the one that decides what is right and is wrong. And so in Matthew 18, we've seen um these themes of like, look, if you've got stuff that you're doing in your life that God has said is wrong, you need to be aggressive in cutting that off because you're a follower of Jesus. If you if you want to say, "Hey, I'm following Jesus," then your um response to those things, whether it's your tongue is lying, your heart is lying, you're doing something with your body that's wrong, we have this aggressive stance towards those things where it's like, "Nope, that doesn't belong in my life. I'm getting rid of that." And then last week, what we looked at is look, if somebody else who's in the church, a a brother is um sinning against you, they're wronging you, the way that you're supposed to handle that is you go to them privately and then it escalates from there. And the goal is that you'd get them to listen to you and that they would repent, that they would change. So, now we're going to the the the third kind of theme. We'll finish off 18 and we're going to talk about well what do you do when somebody comes to you and they say I'm sorry I was wrong or and and what do we expect in that situation? Imagine that you and this is not hard to imagine the older you get that you have been wronged by somebody and there's something that has gone on where every time you see that person it just is there. This is what they did to you. you maybe that your response is to shut down and like cut them off or maybe you're more confrontational and and you're ready to just bring it up every time. It's like a thing like you know and it's some way you're poking them with what they are doing to you. Or maybe you're you're slandering or gossiping that person when they're not around you and and you're just like spreading their garbage and what they did to everybody else in the community. No matter what you hold on to the wrong in your heart feels as if you if you release the thing justice is not going to be served. There's this question that you may ask. If I let go of the matter, if I let go of this thing, I will be allowing injustice to run free in the world and they're just going to get away with it. So, we have a our hearts. We hold on to the things in the ways that people wrong us. And yet Jesus is telling his disciples in multiple instances that we are a people that forgive. Forgiveness is a kingdom reality. It's it is the warp and woof of being a follower of Jesus is that we're forgiving. Now, we're going to need to really kind of get into this because forgiveness has a lot of baggage and can you can you can start to think about well you know what about in this case or what about in that case. So my goal this morning is to really be a teacher and try to unpack the sticky parts of forgiveness so that we really have identifying what is Jesus asking of us. The Bible tells us to forgive and this is the question how many times should we forgive someone who hurts us? A especially when they keep hurting us. How many times? So maybe we forgive, but do do we forgive again? Because remember we just talked about if you have a brother that wrongs you, you go to that person and you tell him his fault between you and him. And if he listens to you, it says we've won a brother. Well, in the process of winning our brother, there's forgiveness that's going on. That person has listened to the correction and they're like, "Okay, I'm ready to change course." And in changing course, we're forgiving. But then what if they do it again? How many times do we forgive? And here's here's the text. I'm going to skip over I'm going to give you four verses and we're going to skip over the parable. I'm going to come back and we're going to kind of exposit that. We'll go through it verse by verse in a second. But here's the gist. Peter approached him and said, "Lord, how many times must I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me?" As many as seven times. I tell you, not as many as seven, Jesus replied, but 70 times seven. For this reason, the kingdom of heaven can be compared to a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. And we're going to go into that whole story, but let's jump to 35. He finishes off the parables by saying this. So also my heavenly father will do to to you unless every one of you forgives his brother or sister from your heart. Lord, as we look at this text this morning, would you um please be with our hearts because this is really hard territory. We've been wronged in some ways and and we're good at holding on to those things and and uh we care about justice. We know you care about justice and we don't think you want us to just be wronged. over and over again, but you just want us to forgive. And so, Lord, help us understand how do we do this? How do we follow you as a people that are forgiving? Well, we pray that you would teach us this morning. We ask this in Jesus name. Amen. So, how how do we do this? What is what does this look like? What does it mean to forgive? And how do we do it? Let's look at um these vers is I just right here Jesus's response to Peter because Peter's like, "Okay, well, how about seven?" Right? It seems like Peter is asking a question in the context of Jesus's teaching about conflict. And Peter's trying to be like a nice guy. And he's like, "How about I forgive seven times?" And Jesus says, "I tell you, not as many as seven, but 70 times seven." Now, you Bible scholars know that 70* 7 has already been referenced in Genesis chapter 4. You remember there is a a man who's the son of Lamech. His name is Lamech. And um he saw Cain kill his brother. He saw how God interacted with Cain that God told Cain that he would um forgive what Cain did but and mark him out kind of defend him and if any body took Cain's life that God would avenge the death of Cain. So there's this cultural social protection that God gives to Cain. And then you fast forward to a guy named Lamech who is murderous and he is um killing people and he says um he says this, "If Cain is to be avenged seven times over, Then for Lamech it will be 77 times. 77 times playing with the same numbers. And so here in Genesis 4 it's all this context around um vengeance and getting back at the person that wronged you. And Jesus is flipping this on its head and he's saying no in my kingdom we forgiven 7* 70. In other words an innumerable in able amount of times we are a forgiving people there is this um common misunderstanding that Peter had it seems like where it's there's this limited number of forgiveness now I know there's some of you who are like wait how if how do you forgive li limitlessly if and doesn't that set you up to be violated well that's where We need to actually define what forgiveness is, and we're going to get there. But you need to understand that Jesus, as he's teaching his followers, he's saying that forgiveness is an unending resource. And the reason why this is possible is because when you become a follower of Jesus, one of the things that God does is that he places his spirit inside of you, giving you the limitless resource of forgiveness. And so let's look at this parable and talk about true forgiveness. True forgiveness. For this reason, the kingdom of heaven can be compared to a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. And so Jesus here is beginning a parable to teach about this idea of forgiveness. And you'll see that he says that the kingdom of heaven can be compared to. Now I just want to pass to point this out in passing because if you've grown up in the church and you've heard a lot about the kingdom, it's easy to think and put the kingdom of God into this category of when I die, I'm going to be with God in his kingdom. But yet Jesus is teaching about the kingdom is it's now. Come and participate in my kingdom right now. And so Jesus is telling a parable and the parable is going to illustrate a present reality. about the kingdom, which parables do, which is really fascinating to me. Maybe just it's me, but I it's it's it's interesting how Jesus is going to talk about the kingdom now using this metaphor. So, the king wanted to settle accounts. There's debts in this kingdom. And so, he calls his servants to him. And when he began to settle accounts, one who owed him 10,000 talents was brought before for him. So the 10,000 talents is about $6 billion. Okay? $6 billion. When he began to settle accounts, one who owed 10,000 talents was brought before him. Since he did not have the money to pay it back, his master commanded that he and his wife and his children, everything he had, be sold to pay the debt. So he was going to become an indentured servant. Take everything, liquidate it, and then he becomes a ser servant basically attempting for the rest of his life he's going to be paying off this debt. So verse 26 at this the servant he falls face down before the king and he says be patient with me I will pay you everything. Then the master of the servant has compassion released him forgave him of the loan wipes out the loan. Six million dollars. That servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred daeneri. That's about 20 bucks. Okay? He grabbed that fellow servant and he started to choke him and he said, "Pay what you owe me." At this his fellow servant paid down and began to beg him, saying, "Be patient with me. I will pay you back. But he wasn't willing to be patient. Instead, he went and he threw him into prison until he can pay back what was owed. How can this is not the text, but this is my question. How can somebody who is forgiven so greatly forgive so little? How can somebody forgiven so greatly forgive so little? the as we go through this story and we'll see what's going to happen next. There is this shock value to the way Jesus tells the parable and it's obvious to the people participating in the parable of like this is not fair. How could you take somebody that owes you 20 bucks and throw them into prison? You know, normally somebody that owes you 20 bucks, you're like you put them on a payment plan or you say, "Hey, pay me back when you get a chance." Or sometimes if If we know the context, it's kind of like, well, you know, don't worry about it. You know, I gave you something I don't expect to get paid back. And that's the question here that arises. How can somebody forgiven a debt of $6 billion be unwilling to forgive something so little? Look at verse 31. When the other servants saw what had taken place. They were deeply distressed. So their peers see what goes on. They're they're upset. Would you feel upset? Yeah, I'd feel upset. Be like, "What in the world is going on? You just got this debt forgiven. How could you do that?" And they went and they reported to their master everything that had happened. Then after he had summoned that servant to him, his master said to him, "You wicked servant, I forgave you all that debt because you begged me, shouldn't you also have mercy on your fellow servant as I had mercy on you?" And because he was angry, this is the master, his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured until he could pay everything that was owed. Crazy crazy story. You'll notice here, do you see the um the mirroring? So he is we earlier on we talked about on earth as it is in heaven. Right? Matthew s the Matthew 7 prayer um let your kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven. We've seen this go on and here the parable is also using that mirroring. You have the picture of a a relationship with the heavenly master who is forgiving us so great a debt and then we have this small interpersonal debt that's going on this onetoone relationship um and there's a lack of forgiveness. So here is um Jesus wanting for you to have at the four of your mind the framework for forgiveness is the massive debt that we each have before heaven that God is legally able to forgive because of what Jesus did on the cross. So God went to bat for you when you were still a sinner. When you're in rebellion against God before you even born, God knew that you were going to come on this earth and that you would rebel in your own special unique way. you would rebel. And he sent Jesus to die on the cross so that your moral debt could be taken out of the way. And that being the framework of how forgiveness works, he's like, "Okay, let's talk about your relationship with your fellow servants. Let's talk about how that works. How do you relate to one another?" Here, this servant, his inability forgive revealed that he had truly not grasped or experienced the king's mercy. So as we approach this conversation around forgiveness and the thing that dominates our head is that one person. I can't forgive that one person because what they did. The problem is for you and I is that we have not meditated on we have not let the forgiveness of God invade our hearts and minds. We think that the big issue is what that person did wrong to me. And you may have had some grievous things. You may have been molested as a kid. You may have been um you may have had a parent walk out on you. You may have been wrongfully accused of a crime. There's all kinds of things that happen in life that you're wronged by other people. But for the follower, of Jesus. The dominating theme is that we are a forgiven people. We were talking about this on Friday because you were saying somebody was saying, "Oh, you know, just sinners are the ones that go to church, right? And that hurt your feelings, right? It hurt your feelings." Somebody would say to you, "Oh, it's just a bunch of sinners." And I said, "No, no, no. That's right. The church is full of sinners." If you ever start thinking that the church isn't full of sinners, you got it wrong. The thing that sets us apart as goers to church, as followers of Jesus, is not that we're sinless, but that we're forgiven, right? We're a forgiven people. Not a better people. We're a forgiven people. So if anybody ever tells you, oh, you know, I thought you went to church. Why are you acting like that? Say, man, I am so sorry. I am wrong. I am wrong. I'm trying to grow. I'm trying to change. Jesus is working. in my life. But here's the reality. Jesus has forgiven me of my sins. And that's what I get to hold on to. I'm not trying to put on some kind of like sinless perfection demonstration before you. I'm clinging to the mercy of God. And that's why I go to church is because I celebrate the mercy of God with my peers. And so we have this final princip ible at the end of the last verse here of the chapter verse 35 he says so also my heavenly father will do to you now remember the the servant was thrown into jail right so Jesus says hey this same treatment my heavenly father will do to you unless every one of you forgives his brother or sister from your heart super important so he says listen the way that God is going to deal with you is according to how you deal with your peers. And so you you don't have room you and I don't have room to be a people who think well forgiveness is this optional thing. No, this is a a mandatory thing because we can't afford to be thrown into prison by our heavenly father. We can't afford to be in this place where we're on the the receiving end of God's judgment. We want to be a people who are forgiving and our father and Heaven is forgiving us. So the stakes are high. But do you see the locust? The location of forgiveness. Do you see that? It's a matter of the heart. This is all about the heart. It's something that's going on in our hearts. It's something that's going on in our hearts. So what is Let's get a little technical here. What is forgiveness? What is forgiveness? I'm going to give you a passage that I believe perfectly articulates the idea of forgiveness. Okay? And the word forgive is not even in the passage. It's not even in the passage. Romans 12:17-21. He says, "Do not repay evil for evil." Somebody gives you evil, don't repay it. Give careful thought to what you do uh to to what is honorable in everyone's eyes. To do what is honorable in everyone's eyes. If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Friends, do not avenge yourself. Instead, leave room for God's wrath because it is written, "Vengeance belongs to me. I will repay, says the Lord." But if your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he's thirsty, give him something to drink. For in doing so, you'll be heaping fiery coals on his head. did not be conquered by evil but con be conquered but conquer evil with good. So what is Paul saying here in Romans? He's saying listen in your heart in your heart you need to not pursue revenge or vengeance. You need to not repay evil for evil. You need to give place for God's wrath. If you and I were to go um Let's say that Albert here was the a judge in the circuit court of Baltimore City and I got accused of a crime and I went before the court and Albert's there in his robe. He sees me walk in. The one of the things that Albert would do very early even before he saw me in the courtroom is he would recuse himself from the case because he knows me personally and he couldn't be a fair judge in this case. because of the personal relationship that I have with him. We have a friendship and it wouldn't be right for him to be a judge. So, we have this legal term that's called recusing yourself. We're going to move this case here, he would say, we're going to move this case to another court. And what I think Paul is saying here in Romans that when we have wrong done to us, we need to move the case. out of the courtroom of our hearts into God's courtroom. We recuse ourselves from the case. We are our hearts are not made to be a good courtroom. We're biased. We're emotional and we're also guilty. And God is the just judge of the whole earth. And so forgiveness in this sense of Romans is here where We say, "God, I'm entrusting to you the justice that needs to go on." Jesus is in that midst paying for sin. God's able to um let people reap what they sow. He's able to dole out mercy. He's able to do what I'm not able to do. He is the just judge of the whole earth. And so what I want to do when there's wrong done against me, I want to move it out of the courtroom of my heart into God's courtroom. I believe that that is in the best way possible what forgiveness is. It does not mean that that person is no longer your enemy. You have people that are your enemy where you're like, I wouldn't want them to be my enemy. I'm trying to get along with him, but they make themselves your enemy. Here in Romans, he calls them still an enemy. Jesus had enemies and he was perfect. So just because somebody is your enemy. It doesn't mean that it's on you to get it all worked out. It's as much as it is in your in your in your jurisdiction. Live at peace with all men. Pursue peace, right? Try to be a peacemaker. But we're moving it in terms of justice. We're moving it over to God's courtroom. So if you're struggling, so so that is at that point when it's moved out of the courtroom of your heart. over to God. It's like now I'm now you in terms of our relationship, you're released. Okay? I'm I'm releasing you from the debt that you have to me. Now, let's we'll talk about consequences in just a second. Okay? Should there still be boundaries in some relationships? I'm going to explain that that we're going to go we're going to spend maybe even go a little bit over time just because this is so important. Okay? But in terms ter terms of that relationship, it's like, hey, I'm wiping the slate clean. So that um you're just dealing with God now. Okay. I feel like I'm empty and there's no there's no legal language that's left. So how do we do this? There's I'm going to give you a chart that has four quadrants. In essence, there's an x- axis and a y- axis on this. chart on this side we have conditional or unconditional forgiveness and across the top we have consequences for the wrongdoing. Sometimes the consequences remain and sometimes the consequences are removed and this gives us four quadrants. There are times when forgiveness is conditional upon repentance and it removes the consequence. So, I'm waiting for the person to come to me and say, "I'm sorry. Would you please forgive me?" When they do that, then then there's the real world consequences go away. Okay, let me give you a couple of verses about that. So, let's So, here we are. Quadrant one. Here's an example. Luke 17:3 and 4. Be on your guard. If your brother um sins, you rebuke him. And then it's if he repents. Do you see the repentance? It's if he repents then you forgive him. So here forgiveness is spoken o as something that follows or is conditional upon repentance. And if he sins against you seven times in a day and comes back to you seven times saying I repent, you must forgive him. So here this forgiveness is interacting with this condition of repentance. Another example in 2 Corinthians 2 5-8 If anyone has caused pain, um, he's caused pain, not so much to me, but to some degree, uh, not to exaggerate, he's he's hurt all of you. So, this is referring to the guy I talked about last week, the guy sleeping with his stepmom, and he's hurt the church. And Paul's saying he's hurt he's hurt all of you. Um, as a result, you should instead forgive and comfort. Otherwise, he may be overwhelmed by excessive grief. So, we know, I know it's not clear in this verse, but we know in this story that there is this repentance that he has demonstrated. He's been put out of the church. He's remorseful. In chapter 7, Paul lists here's everything this guy has done to make it really clear that he's repented. He's turned in the opposite direction. And he and so Paul says instead, now you should forgive and comfort him. Otherwise, he's going to be swallowed up or overwhelmed by excessive grief. Therefore, I encourage you, reaffirm your love to him. So the the consequences he's saying, take away the consequences, you know, bring him back into the church. He doesn't need to be put outside of the church like he was before. We're going to take away the consequences. We're going to reaffirm our love to him. Okay. So that is that first quadrant where there is conditional forgiveness and the consequences are removed. Let's go to the next quadrant where we have conditional forgiveness but the consequences remain. Here's some verses where we see that David responded to Nathan. This is you again this you got to here see the context in 2 Samuel 12. But David sinned he numbered the people and um uh God speaks through the prophet Nathan to him and he says I have sinned against the Lord. Oh no this is not the story of numbering the people. This is when he sinned with Basheba. He says I have sinned against the Lord. Then Nathan replied to David and the Lord has taken away your sins. You will not die. Okay. So, here he is. He's repented before Nathan. He and Psalm 32 is one of those expressions of repentance that he says. And here's God forgiving him. But it goes on, however, because you treated the Lord with such contempt in this matter, the son born to you will die. So here we have the consequences remaining. So God says, listen, you've repented. I'm going to forgive you. And um but there's going to be um consequences that still follow this act. So we have conditional forgiveness or forgiveness that follows forgiveness that follows a condition of repentance but and the um consequences remain in place. Another example of this is in numbers 14:20 through23. The Lord responded, "I have pardoned them as you requested." So Israel is making a mess of it. They're sinning. and and and Moses intercedes on their behalf. And God says, "I re I have relented. I've I've forgiven. Yet, as I live and as this whole earth is filled with the Lord's glory, none of the men who have seen my glory and the signs I performed in Egypt in the wilderness and have tested me these 10 times and did not obey me will ever see the land I swore to give to their ancestors." So, they um God basically responds to the sin of the of Israel when they're in the wilderness, he says, "I've forgiven you, but there's still going to be consequences. You're not going to be able to go in and see the land." All right? So, that's the second quadrant. Third quadrant is unfor conditional forgiveness and the consequences are removed. So, here we don't have somebody expressing repentance. They're they're just being forgiven and the consequences don't exist. Now, this would be this verse. is not up here, but this would be that whole passage out of Peter where Peter talks about love covers a multitude of sins. People sin against us all the time and just love covers over it. We're forgiving and we're not holding it against them or or not not just holding it against them, but we're not giving it's not impacting the relationship. So Luke 23:34, then Jesus said, "Father, forgive them because they don't know what they're doing." He's speaking of this crowd in front of them as they're crucifying him. They're not repenting before him, but Jesus is asking for their forgiveness and um he's interceding on their behalf that there would not be any consequences. There would not be um a a limiting factor to them. He's just asking for their sake that they would be forgiven. Another example, Luke 759 and 60. This is when Stephen is being he's literally being stoned to death. And Stephen cries out to the Lord in the midst of being stoned. He says, "Lord Jesus, receive my spirit." He knelt down. He cried out with a loud voice, "Lord, do not hold this sin against them." In other words, forgive them. After saying this, he fell asleep. One of the people that was standing there was Paul. Saul, who became Paul the Apostle, and God honors this prayer of Stephen. And and Saul becomes this bornagain follower of Jesus in this incredible act of God's mercy and he goes on to be the greatest missionary ever. Last quadrant where we have unconditional forgiveness but the consequences remain. Is are you tracking with my quadrants here or am I like way over your heads because this makes sense in my head because kind of it kind of gets weird sometimes, right? It gets weird of like what about when somebody hurts me and But I want to forgive them, but does that mean I have to just let them, you know, keep violating me? All right. So hopefully this is answering some of that question. So this is that category where we forgive unconditionally, but consequences remain. So Romans, we just read this. Don't repay evil for evil. Be careful not to uh uh give careful thought to do what is honorable in everyone's eyes. If possible, as it depends on you, live with peace with everyone. Uh friends, do not avenge yourself. Instead, leave room for God's wrath. So here's God's consequences. There's still I I'm forgiving unconditionally forgiving people, but I'm still letting giving room. God may put impose consequences for this person and I'm not going to rescue them. I'm going to let God work in his justice in this scenario and I don't know what those consequences are going to be. So, which c which quadrant do we choose? And we'll we'll end here. I I recognize I'm a little bit over time. We'll give you five five ways that we for how do we know where we're at in a relationship? What do we do? So, first we need to we need to pray. Forgiveness always begins in prayer and this reflection on what God forgave me of. We're asking God for wisdom and we're we're honestly we're reflecting on the situation. Am I holding bitterness or am I open to God's leading? Getting our hearts right before the Lord. Second, we consider the offender's heart and their readiness. Has the offender genuinely repented, acknowledged the offense, and shown sincerity? Where are we at in this? Like do an analysis, an assessment. Where are we at? Has this person said they're sorry already? Maybe you're still holding it on holding on to it. Think and just like having a hard time of letting it go and they've repented before you. So get an assessment. Where are where's their heart at? Are they ready? And so if they're if yes, they've already shown sincerity and and acknowledge the offense, then we're in quadrant 1 or two where we have um conditional forgiveness. Um if it's no, then um we're and or we're unsure, then it's quadrant three or four where we have unconditional forgiveness. Then we get to number three. Evaluate the nature and the severity of the offense. Does this offense carry serious long-term impacts? or risks. That's huge. That's really important. If restoring trust poses significant risk to safety or emotional well-being or moral integ uh moral integrity, co consequences might need to remain. If the offense is relatively minor, removing consequences might be more appropriate. We end up in in quadrants one or three. So, we want to determine um is this person an ongoing threat to me or society or the people that I love. And number four, seek wise counsel. This is where we're not gossiping about others, but we do want to ask people that are wise, follow Jesus, and are trustworthy. Hey, how should I handle this? What should happen here? And then five, examine our own hearts and motives. Be cautious of decisions motivated by vengeance, fear, or pride. Your decision should be guided by love, grace, and a sincere desire for God's glory and true healing for both parties. So forgiveness is related to but not consequences. So in the story of Matthew 18, this church was giving this person three chances to hear what they were doing wrong. And if they were unwilling to respond. If the offender was unwilling to respond, they were put out of the church. Well, that doesn't seem like it's forgiving, right? No, those are the consequences. But the station, the hearts of the church remain in this place of we want to remove that consequence as soon as you're willing willing to repent. We want to welcome you back in, right? We want you back in the family as soon as you're willing. to repent. So, I I know that's not a comprehensive treatment of forgiveness, but I know in our conversations with just one-on-one, some of you have talked to me. I have a really hard time forgiving this person. And so, hopefully as you're hearing this, you're working it through a little bit better in your own life, following Jesus. We want to follow Jesus, know we're forgiven, and that we're honoring him as we give forgiveness to others. Lord, um continue to teach us. We're not anywhere near being a master of this. And um we're really good at holding on to things in our hearts. I know I am, but we need to learn how to forgive as we've been forgiven. And so teach us um forgive us for getting this wrong. We recognize that it's from the heart that we forgive. We recognize our hearts are really bad courtrooms. Our hearts aren't set up for being a courtroom. You are a good and just judge and we can entrust the wrongs done to us to you. We can turn it over to you. Pray that you'd help us as a church to continue to just recuse ourselves from the case to let go. We pray this in Jesus name. Amen. Amen.